Have you ever thought about your relationships with loved ones as “jobs to be done”? I know it sounds a little counterintuitive and unromantic, but if you think about it, the reason we get into relationships with people is that we expect some kind of return on our investment of time, energy, and emotions. We have a need in our life, and through a relationship we find a person that can fulfill that need. In other words, we have a job that needs to be done, and we find a person that will do it. For me, one of the most important jobs I will ever be hired to do is to be a spouse. I know my wife and I got married because specific “jobs” in our life arose that we needed to get done. Megan, my wife, needed someone who is faithful, who will build and nourish a family together with her. She needed someone fun who will continue to take her on dates throughout her marriage. I needed someone who will love me and trust me. I needed a sense of partnership and companionship in my life, someone who is kind and understanding of my situation and who will help me achieve my dreams. Someone who will let me play soccer once or twice every week. Someone who will believe in me. Megan is very good at all these jobs. In fact, after three years of being married to her, she’s an expert at these jobs and wouldn’t think to hire anyone else. I know she feels the same about me.
Sometimes, the jobs that your spouse, close friend or a family member are trying to do can be different from the jobs that you think they should want to do. Ironically, many unhappy relationships are built upon selflessness. But selflessness is based on the idea that we are giving each other what we want to give, and which we have decided a person ought to want. It is easy to assume what people in our life might want, rather than work hard to understand the job to be done in that person’s life. Many times in my life, I’ve misunderstood the job that people close to me needed to be done. Often, I would propose solutions to problems these people were telling me about instead of just listening. These people just needed someone who will listen to them instead of giving them solutions to their problems.
If we studied our relationships through the “job to be done” lens, we would find that people who are most loyal to each other are those who have figured out the jobs that their partner needs to be done — and that they do the job reliably and well.
The “job to be done” theory is just one of multiple theories found in the book How Will You Measure Your Life? by Clayton Christensen. In this book, Christensen provides theories as powerful tools to solve challenges in life. Christensen, former Harvard Business School Professor, is an expert in business innovation and one of the most influential management thinkers of his time. Christensen died in January this year, but he left us with this powerful book whose primary goal is to help us find happiness. Here’s another theory that I’ve found useful when evaluating my capabilities.
Capabilities
The most important question every company has to answer is: “What can we do?” Companies have to identify something they can do, some value they can provide, and provide it better than anyone else. However, the company’s capabilities to do something are not immediately given but dynamic and developed over time. The capabilities consist of three parts:
- Resources: people, equipment, technology, brands, product designs.
- Processes: the way that products are developed and made. Essentially, the way a company uses its resources.
- Priorities: defines how the company will make decisions. Guides the company’s investment and resource allocation plans. This theory can also be applied to our lives. We can identify our resources, processes, and priorities to develop capabilities that will lead to happiness and success in life. This is my personal evaluation:
Resources
- I have access to unlimited knowledge. I can afford to buy books, subscribe to magazines and courses
- I have access to the gym and swimming areas. I can continue to develop physically.
- I have several wonderful mentors, but I need to be looking for more mentors that can help me deepen my knowledge and skills. I want to reach out to people in my professional and social networks. Instead of sifting through books and articles, it will save me time to talk to experts in those fields I’m reading about. They can provide insights that are based on experience rather than textual knowledge.
Processes
- What am I doing with my resources? How am I using them? Is there a more effective way to utilize the resources I have? I get up at 5 a.m. every morning so I can have time to exercise and read before starting my 8–5 job; I try to limit browsing social media; When reading and writing, I have to remove all potential distractions like TV or phone; I keep a daily journal of things that I’m reading; I keep a journal of ideas and potential articles and even books that I could write
- Am I developing processes that will help me develop skills? I want to become a better swimmer but often, just lifting weights or playing soccer is more appealing than getting wet. I’ve developed a process where I run through the beautiful, scenic area to get to the water reservoir where I can jump and swim.
Metrics
Finally, here are Christensen’s thoughts on the metrics that matter and why God is not a statistician or accountant. I have found great value in them.
I realized that, constrained by the capacities of our minds, we cannot always see the big picture. Let me explain in management terms: police chiefs need to look at the numbers of each type of crime, over time, to know whether their strategy is working. The manager of a business cannot see the complete health of the company by looking at specific orders from specific customers; he or she needs to have things aggregated as revenues, costs, and profits. In short, we need to aggregate to help us see the big picture. This is far from an accurate way to measure things, but this is the best that we can do.
Because of this implicit need for aggregation, we develop a sense of hierarchy: people who preside over more people are more important than people who are leaders of fewer people. A CEO is more important than a general manager of a business unit; that general manager is more important than the director of sales; and so on.
Now let me explain in religious terms: I realized that God, in contrast to us, does not need the tools of statisticians or accountants. So far as I know, He has no organization charts. There is no need to aggregate anything beyond the level of an individual person in order to comprehend completely what is going on among humankind. His only measure of achievement is the individual.
Somehow, after all of this, I came to understand that while many of us might default to measuring our lives by summary statistics, such as number of people presided over, number of awards, or dollars accumulated in a bank, and so on, the only metrics that will truly matter to my life are the individuals whom I have been able to help, one by one, to become better people. When I have my interview with God, our conversation will focus on the individuals whose self-esteem I was able to strengthen, whose faith I was able to reinforce, and whose discomfort I was able to assuage — a doer of good, regardless of what assignment I had. These are the metrics that matter in measuring my life. (Christensen, Clayton M.. How Will You Measure Your Life? (pp. 202–204). Harper Business. Kindle Edition.)
My metrics are the same as Clayton’s. Helping you is the measurement of my life.